—Henry Ford

Do you have obstacles standing in your way of getting organized? They can come in many forms:

• uncooperative family members
• procrastination
• perfectionism
• lack of time
• lack of resources
• undefined goals
• confusion about where to begin

If you want to finally make some progress toward getting better organized then you need to replace these obstacles with concrete goals and plans.

But don’t just think about your goals. Give them the importance they deserves and write them down.

Refer to these written goals frequently as you create an action plan for achieving your dream of getting organized.

You CAN do it. But you’ve got to start somewhere.

Why not start this week off with setting one concrete, realistic goal towards your organizing dreams. Write it down in a place where you can refer to it every day this week. For the sake of accountability, write it down in the comments section below, and then check back in with us at the end of the week to report your progress.

Ready, set, GO!

Simply yours,

Debbie

Join me Tuesday June 15 at 12 noon EST for a FREE webinar with Ariane Benefit as we discuss perfectionism and how surviving breast cancer inspired me to conquer my own perfectionism and write “Everything I Know about Perfectionism I Learned from My Breasts: Secrets and Solution for Overpowering Perfectionism.”

Can’t make the noon call?

There will be a Free Replay available, so you can listen when you have time, but the replay will be sent to registered participants only. Registration will also give you access to a FREE handout with tips and advice for overpowering perfectionism straight from the book.

To register for this free call, visit:
http://www.lotusbridge.com/ADHD-Coach-Organizing-events.html

Hope to “see” you Tuesday!!

Simply yours,

Debbie

Being a Mother is the world’s real “oldest profession.” No profession is more special and none is more rewarding. Some days are much harder than others (as the mother of a teenager, I’m speaking from experience here!). Some days are etched in a mother’s memory forever (and I feel blessed to know I have many of these, too!).

Motherhood is a huge responsibility. But sometimes we mom’s are guilty of putting enormous amounts of pressure on ourselves. Because we love our kids so darn much, we try to be their “supermom.”

I’m often guilty of thinking I should be doing more for my kids. Sometimes I find myself second-guessing the things I have done in the name of motherhood. Sometimes I fret over all the things I think I should have done.

But today is our day; it’s day to take pride in our “profession,” mistakes and all. No mother is perfect. And no child expects us to be perfect. So give yourself a break today, ladies! Let go of the mistakes (we’ve all made some!), take pride in your abilities as a mom (you’ve earned it!), put aside the pressure to “do it all” (it’s way too draining!), and remember the goal is not to be your kids’ supermom, but to strive everyday to be a “Real Mom” . . .
Real Mothers don’t eat quiche; they don’t have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn’t come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don’t want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask ‘Why me?’ and get their answer when a little voice says, ‘Because I love you best.’

Real Mothers are imperfect, and accept imperfection from their kids.

Real Mothers know that a child’s growth is not measured by height or years or grade (or even in how organized they are!); it is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother…..

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Simply yours,

Debbie

Below is the book excerpt highlighted on their blog:

Procrastination and Perfectionism

 Everybody procrastinates from time to time. It’s human nature to put off things that are unpleasant or difficult. But for perfectionists, procrastination takes on a different perspective and seriously damages productivity.

In the pursuit of unreachable standards, perfectionists endlessly spin their wheels rather than move forward. In some cases, they never even start a project. The quest for perfection can be so intimidating that productivity literally screeches to a halt.

That is when procrastination sets in.

Perfectionists often put off a task knowing that to make the result flawless, it will require a lot of work. It may even require several attempts; many, many attempts if perfectionism is in high gear.

Some reasons that perfectionists fall into the procrastination trap is because they can never seem to find the perfect time to begin a task, the perfect tools or supplies for the task, or the perfect time to finish the task. Rather than just jumping in and making do, they wait for this perceived perfect situation in which to work. Inevitably, one aspect or another does not measure up to these high standards, and rather than risk failure, the perfectionist pushes aside the task for yet another day. For perfectionists, procrastination is about much more than just poor time management skills. It is about avoiding potential failure.

Laura’s Story

Laura, 45, works in the computer repair and consulting field. Although she currently considers herself a “recovering” perfectionist, Laura admits that during the height of her perfectionism, she also dealt with procrastination. “If I did not think that I could do something perfectly, I didn’t do it at all, mostly to avoid ridicule and feeling like a failure.” As a result, she consciously decided that if she could not complete a project perfectly the first time, it was better to never even start. Her standards were just too high and too rigid.

As an adult, procrastination resulted in a cluttered house, a disorganized business and haphazard financial records. She put everything off rather than risk not being able to get it done perfectly. As her disorganization grew, Laura found herself even more overwhelmed, and she saw perfection becoming less and less likely every day. It was a vicious cycle that continued for years.

Laura decided she needed to change her perfectionistic ways when she realized her young children were in danger of inheriting her over-the-top expectations. She lived by the belief that if her house couldn’t be perfect, any effort was just wasted effort. “Perfectionists want it Home and Garden beautiful in one day. When it doesn’t happen and we get discouraged, we give up the whole idea. We crash and burn, so to speak.”

Laura’s house was chaotic and disorganized, and her impressionable children were watching everything she said and did. “This is not what I wanted them to emulate.” Laura confronted her husband with the fact that what they were both doing around the house was simply not working. “My perfectionism was a ball and chain around my leg, and I had to get rid of it if I wanted to get control of my life and give my kids a better life.”

Laura stumbled across the book Sink Reflections, by Marla Ciley (a.k.a. “The Fly Lady”). Laura began to reinvent her ideas about housework as it related to her perfectionism. “First my belief system had a major overhaul, followed by an overhaul of my thoughts.” Gradually, she began to live by the wise words of Ciley. Laura constantly reminded herself, “Progress, not perfection,” “Even five minutes of work on a problem is progress,” “Your house didn’t get dirty and cluttered in a day, so it will take more than one day to clean it up.” Slowly, the clean spots got bigger. “I started to feel like I might actually be able to kick perfectionism to the curb and create the life that I wanted, and deserved. The tide was turning. I still have a lot to do, but I feel that I am fighting a battle that I will eventually win.”

As Laura and her family work toward a more organized living space, she is conscious to eliminate the need for perfection from the end result. With her family’s happiness and harmony in mind, Laura is able to achieve her goals. “I still catch myself in my old thought patterns, but I recognize them and deliberately replace them with something more constructive. I can honestly tell myself that things are better and that I can improve, even just a little bit, every day.” Laura compares her struggles to overcome perfectionism, disorder, and clutter to peeling an onion. “Each time I clean up a space in my home, I shed another layer of clutter and disorganization. It is not clean, yet, but I am definitely getting closer.”

You can read more about how Laura battled perfectionism, as well as other motivating and inspiring stories of “recovering” perfectionists, in my book “Everything I Know about Perfectionism I Learned from My Breasts: Secrets and Solutions for Overpowering Perfectionism.” (2009, Maliza Publishing) available as a soft cover book for $19.95 or as a downloadable ebook for $10 from http://virtuallyorganized.com/more-from-debbie/.  

Visit Buttoned Up to win one of two signed copies of my book. Entry period closes at midnight PST, Sunday, May 16th, and the winner will be announced Monday, May 17th.

Simply yours,

Debbie

On the other hand, many times the reason that organizing attempts fail is that when we try to change our habits we  simply meet too much resistance, either from ourselves or from the people we are trying to organize. In that case, we need to work with our habits rather than against them.

For example, if you find yourself always dragging your checkbook and bills out to the kitchen table, find a space in your kitchen where you can store a little basket for bills, your checkbook stamps, envelopes, etc. Your efficiency will increase, and you’ll be more likely to put everything back when your done with this chore.

Analyze your habits and work with them rather than against them. Observe how your house looks on a daily basis. If you always lay your keys, mail backpacks, etc. in a specific location, decide what piece of furniture would work to help avoid this pile up and make this space more functional.

(For more tips on how to organize shoes and a family Launch Pad by working with your kids habits instead of against them, check out my post “Every Morning is Organized With a Family Launch Pad.”

Organizing is a process. You’re going to have to change things as life changes, but sometimes the old habits can be molded for good, rather than for evil. 

Simply yours,

Debbie

For some, it may be the internet (any Facebook and Twitter addicts out there?).  What starts out as online research may end up as endless surfing.  Or we may have good intentions of saving time by shopping online, but before you know it we’ve been sucked in and lost half the day in front of our glowing screens.

For others, the drive for perfection may be costing precious time.  Do you spend extra time on tasks trying to make them “perfect,” when “good enough” would actually suffice?

Another evil time monster is television.  There can be a heated debate between those who love and those who detest the “idiot box,” but either way, it is another good way to lose precious time .

So what time monsters do you deal with?  Much like a dieter keeps a food log to heighten awareness of how much and what type of food they really eat throughout the day, try keeping a time log this month.  Jot down how long you spend on some of your daily routines.  After a week, see if you can spot your time monsters.  You may just be surprised at what you find!

 Simply yours,

Debbie

This scenario is an example of the hold that stressful, overwhelming situations can have on us. But by being more aware of the way that you feel in your home and how the items you are surrounded by make you feel, you can overpower the overwhelming feelings that often accompany excess clutter and too much to do. Some ideas for conquering overwhelm include:

1. Eat your “frog” first thing in the morning.

Borrowing a phrase from Brian Tracy, who compares breaking down difficult tasks to “eating a frog,” do your most difficult and dreaded task first, preferably in the morning. By completing something that you’ve been dreading you will gain a tremendous boost of energy and motivation and a wonderful sense of accomplishment to help you breeze through the rest of your day.

2. Make a list of all of the things you want to do.

Have you ever walked into a room and thought “I wonder why I came in here?” We all have at one time or another. But if we can forget something that quickly without an  interruption, imagine how much time we are wasting trying to remember things amidst all of the countless interruptions we endure every day? By writing down what you want to do each day you will instantly focus your energy and accomplish much more than you would if you did not have a list. Chances are that you won’t finish everything you write down, but what you don’t do that day can always be pushed to the next.

3. Find support when you need it.

Feeling paralyzed by stuff, stress, or life? It is important to get support from friends, counselors and coaches. Your support person should encourage you to “eat the frog,” not be someone to simply gripe to about how hard your life is. By taking action to better your own life, you will have the power to make others’ lives better, too. Being a better parent or spouse may be as simple as cleaning off the countertops in your kitchen to make yourself happier. 

We often want to blame others for our feelings of stress and overwhelm, when in reality, the reason we are so unhappy is something we have the power to change. Do not allow your possessions to have power over you and your relationships with others. Instead, open your hand, let go of what you are holding on to and watch the overwhelm disappear.    

Simply yours,

Debbie

 1. Remember your goals.

Close your eyes and imagine the calm, peaceful, organized space you will have once the project is complete. Whenever you start to lose focus, concentrate on this mental image to help keep yourself on track and moving toward your goals.

 2. Chunk it up.

Instead of looking at your project in its entirety, break it up into smaller, more manageable and less overwhelming baby steps. You’ll experience more success in a shorter amount of time and be more motivated to keep on working.

 3. Treat yourself to a well-deserved reward.

Before each work session, establish a reward for completing your task: 20 minutes of “me” time, a walk around the block, an evening out, whatever will motivate you to tackle your goals for the day.

How do you get motivated to keep up with your organizing projects? Leave me a comment below with your ideas and suggestions.

Simply yours,

Debbie

Although perfectionists often come across to others as overly confident and even cocky, many actually suffer from low self-esteem. They have the admiration and awe of those around them for all of the perfect things they regularly do. Still, a true perfectionist is never satisfied with her own performance or abilities. So we constantly strive to be the best, we see anything less than perfection as a failure, and as a result, we blame ourselves and our perceived shortcomings. We never have any genuine gratification in anything we do. Laura’s story is one real-life example of the connection between perfectionism and low self-esteem.

Laura’s Story

Laura, 45, works in the computer repair and consulting field and considers herself a stereotypical “computer geek.”  Growing up, Laura had a difficult time making friends, was shown little support from her working parents, and was naturally shy and quiet. “Can you say ‘low self-esteem trifecta’?” she quips.

Growing up, Laura preferred to be by herself because she just couldn’t figure out how to relate to others. She recalls the struggles she endured just finding the courage to look other people in the eye. As a child, she lacked confidence in herself and her abilities, so she would always sit back and watch the other kids try new things first. In gym class, she would let the others try a sport first. In group activities, she would let someone else lead the group and instead be content with the role of “follower.”

Laura says, “I was never first. In an effort to learn from others’ mistakes, I held back. Sometimes there would not be enough time for my turn to try the new thing. That did not bother me.”

Laura did find a spark of self-confidence when she discovered that she had a knack for arts and crafts. “I was able to define myself in a positive way as a person able to create/build something that was perfect.”  She learned to do just about every kind of craft she could get her hands on. But she had to do them “perfectly.”  The few friends she did have always admired her latest creations. Their praise should have been a huge boost to her self-esteem, but Laura says the projects were more for her than about seeking approval from her peers. “I have autistic tendencies. I don’t understand people and relationships very well.”  Perfection was a way for Laura to gain personal control of her relationships. “The projects were beautiful and without a flaw, unlike other parts of my life.”

Math class also gave Laura a chance to be in control and raise her self-esteem. “With math, I felt comfortable because the answer was ‘x’. There were no opinions, spelling errors or gray areas. The answer to a problem was either right or wrong. People are complex. Algebra is easy. I got A’s in math without trying until I got to calculus, when the answer could be negative infinity.”

To Laura, her math and artistic talents made achieving a sense of perfection seem attainable. But, when things were not black or white or “perfect,” Laura’s world turned on end, and it was easier for her to just give up and not even try. Procrastination became a defense mechanism and a crutch for those times when perfection seemed out of reach. Throughout her childhood, her self-esteem ebbed and flowed and was directly dependent on the level of perfection she felt she could obtain. Only later in life was she able to turn her control issues into a solution, rather than the problem, and find the self-confidence she needed to be able to move beyond perfectionism.

You can read more about Laura’s battle with perfectionism, including the negative impact it has had in her life, her “A-Ha!” moment that led to change, and her solutions and strategies for becoming a “recovering” perfectionist in my newly released book, “Everything I Know about Perfectionism I Learned from My Breasts: Secrets and Solutions for Overpowering Perfectionism.” (2009, Maliza Publishing)

Recently, I received an invitation from “The Juice,” an online community created by Tropicana Trop50 and BlogHer, to blog about my ideas for an episode on “doing more with less.”  As a Professional Organizer, I’m a firm believer in getting more out of life by having less clutter and disorganization. It’s also the theme behind Virtually Organized. So what’s my idea on this topic for an episode of The Juice?

 Stop feeling overwhelmed by your to-do list and get more done every day by becoming an “imperfectionist.”

How long is your to-do list? Three-, five-, ten-items long? If you’re like most women, it’s never-ending. No sooner do you cross off one item and three more things get added. Why do we take on so much? Why does it never end? One reason I’ve come across, both in my own life and in the lives of many of my clients, is perfectionism.

Most women expect too much from themselves; more so than we do from anyone else. But this tendency to strive for perfection can leave us spinning our wheels and never moving ahead. We are constantly taking on more to do while convincing ourselves we can do it all and do it flawlessly. How can we counter this? Try approaching life as an “imperfectionist.”

1.    Strive for excellence, but work to avoid perfection.

The next time you find yourself exhausting your time and energy trying to perfect a task, stop and remind yourself (out loud if you have to) that good enough will suffice.

2. Reduce unreasonably high expectations.

Look at the items on your to-do list. Can you reasonably accomplish all of these tasks? If the answer is “no,” go through each one and lower your expectations of the end result. I’m not suggesting that you start doing things sub-par, but imagine the relief you will have when you give yourself permission to relax your high standards.

3. Seek simplicity.

Start to distinguish which tasks on your list do not warrant excessive attention. For those less-than-important items it is okay to occasionally leave them incomplete or to remove them from your list entirely. With simplicity as your goal you can develop a fresh outlook on your endeavors and avoid the perfectionism trap.

4. Ask for help.

If you’re still finding it hard to reduce your to-do list, get more comfortable with delegation. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but rather a good strategy for accomplishing more with less time and effort.

5. Fake it.

Having trouble incorporating imperfectionism into your life? Write down what “good enough” means to you and let this description serve as your reference guide as you force yourself into modeling “good enough” behavior. Even if you need to “fake it” the first few times, living like a non-perfectionist will eventually become more natural.

Striving for imperfection can help you do more every day, and do it with less stress, less disappointment and less expense. Try it, and let me know how it works for you.

Simply yours,

Debbie

P.S. Want more information and tips about overpowering perfectionism? My new book on this topic will be released July 2009. “Everything I Know About Perfectionism I Learned From My Breasts: Secrets and Solutions for Overpowering Perfectionism.”